Eleven days down, 17 more to go!

Sunday was amazing.

It started out rough. The doctor said something to me (for the second day in a row) that made me a little upset. Thank goodness Elisa was there to help talk me through it and come up with a plan to communicate better next time. I was feeling better, but still shaken up.

I had the thought during the week to ask to have the sacrament brought to me at the hospital. I ended up talking myself out of it because I didn't want to be too 'needy'. By the time Sunday rolled around I wash wishing I had asked. I really needed it. I was surprised when my nurse asked if I would like the sacrament. How did she know I was LDS? Was it my Quad sitting on my nightstand? Had I put it on the hospital registration form? Either way I was so happy she asked.

A few minutes later a sweet couple came into my room. The wife shared a message which was exactly what I needed to hear. It was from this months Ensign. The article is Learning to Hear and Understand the Spirit by David M. McConkie. This is the part she read - "Men ought - above all things in this world - to seek for the guidance of the Holy Spirit. There is nothing as important as having the companionship of the Holy Ghost. There is no price too high, no labor too onerous, no struggle too severe, no sacrifice too great, if out of it all we receive and enjoy the gift of the Holy Ghost."

Then the Brother knelt and said the sacrament prayer. It was honestly as if I felt Heaven open and flood into my room. The words were so clear in my mind. I was reassured that I can always have the gift of the Holy Ghost, that Heavenly Father sent this baby girl to me, and that He will guide me through all of this. Only I can receive revelation for the choices I need to make. And I can be at peace knowing that He will guide me, through the Holy Ghost.

I'm grateful to this couple who serves in this calling every week. What neat experiences they must have. I wonder if they know how meaningful their calling is to those they are serving...

My Quilt

The Friday my water broke was a whirlwind. When we got to the hospital everything happened so quickly. Before I knew it I was admitted to the hospital and told I was staying there for a very long time. What?!? - That's what my brain was thinking. At some point in the process of being admitted they got me situated in my bed and then brought me this lovely quilt. My nurse said that volunteers make these for the patients that have to stay a long time so they feel more at home. It made my day. It felt so comforting to have something made with love to snuggle up in. It might sound silly, but in a scary moment it brought some reassurance.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a very visual person. I am so happy that I have something pretty to look at. Plus it's much cozier than the brown flat hospital blankets. It really was touching to me that someone would donate materials and time to make a hospital stay a little nicer for a complete stranger. So I've decided that when I get out (and baby girl is a bit older :) that I want to pay it forward and make at least one quilt to donate and hope that I've made someones hospital stay a little nicer.

In case you are curious...

Seven days down, 21 to go!

I have these lovely "leg warmers" that I get to wear 24/7. They give them to anyone on bed rest at the hospital. Most people can sleep with them off or have a little break during the day. Because I have Factor Five Leiden I am never allowed to have them off. (Factor Five means I have blood that can clot easily.)

If you are wondering what they do here is something to try. Take a balloon and secure it to your leg. Now have the balloon inflate and hold for a few seconds (putting pressure on your legs), then slowly deflate and hold for a few seconds. Do this on one leg and then switch to the other. Now wasn't that cool?

I get to have my IV switched every 72 hours. The second one I had in went bad on day 2 and we had to switch it. The nurse said what probably happened is that the catheter was getting stuck to the wall of my vein and forming a clot. So each time they would hook up the IV or flush it, it caused horrible pain as the catheter would be ripped off of the vein wall and force the clot through. I asked them to switch it, that's how bad it was hurting. I would rather feel a new IV being put in every day than feel that pain again. There is a thick bump now where that IV was. Yuck.

Now my IV is in my right arm. It took me a while to get used to typing with it there. Whenever I bend my hand downward I can see the catheter lifting my skin up (gross) and sometimes it will come out a little and I can see the catheter going in and out of my skin (double gross).

Since I wrote that last paragraph I had another dose of IV meds. Toward the end it starting hurting and just kept getting worse. I looked down and my skin was bulging. Eew. It broke my vein. Double eew. And it doesn't feel great. The doctor said I can go without an IV for a while and take my meds orally. Yea!

I hope I haven't grossed too many of you out. It grosses me out just thinking of it or looking at it. I am just sharing the things that are going on in my little bubble of a world right now.

*Some things to clarify*

We aren't sure what we are going to name baby girl. Right now we are thinking about the name Avella.

Other names I like but Ryan isn't fond of include Hazel and Olive.

For those of you wondering why they choose to induce at 34 weeks - At 34 weeks the risk of her getting an infection in utero are greater than the risks of her being born at this point.

I talked to my doctor today and it turns out they are concerned about her measuring so small. I am guessing the Perinatologist didn't want to tell me that and freak me out right then (?). They are a little worried about the amniotic fluid levels as well. Ok. It would have been nice to be told that yesterday. I am getting an ultrasound done once a week and that is when they will check her size and the fluid level. If they are still concerned they will induce me earlier. I think what I've realized is that what we are told changes each day. So I have decided that I really have no idea what is going to happen and I will just take it one day at a time.

They monitored baby's heartbeat for a long time today. They usually do it twice a day. They were concerned about the results of the last monitoring so they wanted to see how she was looking over a long period of time.

The verdict is...

Six days down, 22 days to go!

This morning I had a very thorough ultrasound and we met with the Perinatologist. Here are the things I found out.

• She weighs 2 lbs. 11 oz.
• She is measuring 2 weeks and 5 days younger than her due date. At my 20 week ultrasound she was measuring 6 days younger. They aren't concerned about it being 2 weeks different now. So I suppose I should try not to worry about it either.
• Her head is measuring larger and her body smaller. What? Our baby will have a big head? Shocker. ;)
• All of her insides look great.
• My amniotic fluid measured 6.8 - lower than friday. One more thing they are not worried about.
• They will induce me at 34 weeks. If i go into labor before this they will let me deliver.
• The only chance I will have of going home before this is if the ultrasounds show that the amniotic fluid has significantly increased and then they would do an amniocentesis to inject a dye and make sure there is absolutely no leakage. I would not be down with that.
• She will be in the NICU for about a couple of weeks after she is born until she can breathe and eat well.
• I have lost 2 lbs, which is bad because it's probably all muscle that I have lost. That's what happens when you sit in bed for almost a week. :(

It's good to know exactly what is going on. I felt like I had been waiting until this appointment to really let my brain process everything. The downside to that was that right after the appointment I cried and cried... and cried. And now I feel better. I am so glad Ryan was here with me. I do realize this situation isn't a worse case scenario. Sometimes I feel guilty about feeling so sad and worked up about all of this. But I am human and this is very real for me. Just because it isn't the worst case scenario doesn't mean it isn't hard in this moment.

Five days down, hopefully 65 more to go!

I woke up this morning in a dark hospital room by myself. These are the moments that are the hardest. All of the worries hit me and I cry a little realizing that this is happening whether I like it or not. It was harder this morning because Ryan spent the night at home, so I was alone with my thoughts. Of course this is when I pray and recieve the comfort that I can't imagine being without. And I realize that this is not the worst thing that could happen. It is still very hard and very real for me, but I see all of the blessings that have happened throughout this process.

On a lighter note I had fun talking to family on the phone, visiting with a friend, and painting my nails (blue). Tomorrow morning we meet with the Perinatologist. We're praying it goes well!

Four days down, hopefully 66 more to go!

Today was pretty uneventful, which is a good thing. Baby is still looking good, and I am feeling fine. Thank you everyone for your sweet words and prayers. I have tried to respond to everyones comments and emails, but if I missed you I'm sorry. If you want my phone number at the hospital please email me or send me a message on facebook.

Wednesday is the day we meet with the Perinatologist. We should have a clearer idea of what will be happening after meeting with him. Pray that all goes well! The latest talk has been that they will induce me at 34 weeks. We'll see what the Perinatologist says, but Ryan and I realized that if I have her at 34 weeks we will have another February birthday! The 18th to be exact. Yes, that is two days after Ethan's birthday! We thought we were so smart to plan this baby to come in March or April. Maybe we're not as smart as we thought...

Here is my cute family visiting me today with my amazing sister Elisa. She has been great to step in as mom for me. Notice Ethan doing the 'I Love you' sign.

The boys are taking advantage of me being gone. Ethan wore these jammies to church today under his clothes. Ryan didn't even notice until they were at church. It makes me laugh to think about it! And Trevan got away with wearing shorts outside in the winter. At least he wore his heavy winter coat. Funny boy.

Here is the picture I had my sister take of me as we were heading out the door to the hospital on Friday. I know I am smiling, but I was freaking out inside! I wanted to have just one picture of my belly before I had this baby.

I was 30 weeks exactly on Friday. I had gained 12 pounds so far (a lot less than with my boys!). I think I look smaller at this stage than I did with my boys. Basically everything about this pregnancy has been so different! Baby girl wants to make a unique entrance I think. She is doing a good job so far!

48 hours

Three days down, hopefully 67 more to go!

The good news today is they let me get out of bed and take a shower. Happy day! I am done with the magnesium sulfate so it was safe for me to stand up on my own. (It makes your muscles freak out a little, so I had to have help any time I had to get up.) I also had my last steroid shot yesterday. I'm glad to be done with that.

I had a rough morning today. I took too many meds at the same time which made me very naeseous and I had some contractions. I was finally able to relax and take a much needed nap. I woke up feeling great, and I haven't had any more contractions. Whew.

The best news today is that we have hit the 48 hour mark. Meaning the it has been 48 hours since I had my first steroid shot and started the magnesium sulfate. All of that means that if baby girl decides to come sooner rather than later we have given her brain and lungs the protection they need. We are breathing a little sigh of relief. We are grateful for each day she grows bigger and stronger.

Surprise!

Let me start off by saying this is not what I expected. At all. Most times are accurate. There were a few I had to guess on. Two days down, hopefully 68 more to go!

*I will finish posting the rest a little later.*

January 21 & 22, 2011

10:10 am - I wake up to my brother leaving a message on my answering machine. I jump as quickly as I can out of bed (keep in mind I am 30 weeks pregnant - Jan. 21) and I make it in time to answer the phone. Success! Just to let you know my brother is in Iraq. So when he calls it is always a treat to talk to him.

10:30 am - I am having a great conversation with him (as I lay lazily in bed), when I decide to get my lazy self up. That's when it happens. My water breaks. I finish the conversation with him then tell him I think my water broke and I think I need to call the doctor. He says, "Um, OK." He's 23 and unmarried. I'm sure this 2 second exchange is more than a little uncomfortable for him.

10:44 am - Yes, it was exactly 10:44 am. Ryan remembers it very clearly. I get off the phone with Andrew and call Ryan in tears. when he gets me calmed down a little I tell him my water broke and if I have to go to the hospital I want him with me. I tell him I will call him right back.

10:47 am - I walk down the stairs to call the doctor. My sister Elisa is in the kitchen making breakfast. (Thank goodness we all got a good nap that morning. It was a busy week!) She looks frightened at the sight of me. I'm sure she will tell you it is because I have been sobbing, but I am pretty sure it is because I have the worst bedhead ever, and I think I still had (half) my makeup on from the night before. Either way I tell her my water broke and I need to call the doctor. She helps me calm down enough to call them.

10:48 - I called to talk to the nurse and they tell me they will give the message to her and have her call me right back.

10:50 - The nurse calls back and tells me to go down to the hospital. Ryan is calling in on the other line.

10:52 - I answer Ryan's phone call and he tells me he is on his way and is already a few miles down the road from his work. His manager told him to leave and not worry about anything. Have I mentioned yet how much I have loved Ryan working at Marketstar. They are very much family first. And I appreciate it. Very much.

I then hurry and shower. Yes, it is the one day that week I did not get dressed and shower right away. I try to hurry, while remaining calm, and pack up everything I think I'll need for a normal hospital stay? An extended hospital stay? My mind can't even process what will happen at this point. Will I be having a baby today? Will they think I am making it up and choose to believe my water didn't break? And then will they send me home? Will the nurses be nice? Up to this point I have only heard horror stories from moms who gave birth at Timpanogos Hospital. I could go on and on. But I won't.

I finally get showered, packed, Ryan makes it home, and get one picture of my prego self, the only one that you can actually see that I'm pregnant in the picture. It might seem like a silly thing, but if I was going to have a baby today I wanted to feel like my mind had been able to process it a little. It makes sense to me.

12:00 pm - I go over everything with Elisa in case I am not able to talk to her the rest of the day. I call and arrange for Julie to pick up carpool. (FYI - I am officially the worst person to carpool with. Ask Sandy or Julie. Sigh.)

1:00 pm - We arrive at the hospital after a nerve wracking drive there. We walk in and stand looking at the map for a moment (I am only 30 weeks - we hadn't taken the tour yet or registered) when a sweet worker on fer way out asks if she can help us find anything. Definitely. She walks us down the hall to the Labor and Delivery wing and asks, "You're not in labor are you?" We tell her no but that my water broke. "Oh," she says. Exactly. You can clearly see I am too small to be full term.

1:10 pm - We get checked in and I am now in lovely hospital gown ready for almost anything. They do the first test to see if there is amniotic fluid. Inconclusive. They do the fern test. Negative. Keep in mind we wait forever in between each test or consult. The nurse does the third test which is new and not everyone does. Thank goodness she does, because it comes back positive. No surprise here - my water broke with both of my boys, so I knew exactly what it was.

3:00 pm - They get me started on an IV of saline and one of magnesium sulfate, give me a steroid shot, and do an ultrasound to measure the fluid around the baby to make sure there is still enough there. It measures 8.9 which is good.

5:00 pm - I finally get dinner and I am starving! All I've had to eat was a slice of homemade apple pie and whipped cream, two granola bars, and a pack of Lorna Doone cookies.

8:00 pm - The Neonatologist came in and talked to us about what we can expect when our baby girl is born, whether it's now or weeks down the road. He was very helpful. He mentioned it might be frightening to hear all of these things, but we told him it was actually reassuring to know what to expect.

8:30 pm - We make some phone calls to let people know what is going on.

10:30 pm - We took a tour of the NICU which was both comforting and terrifying at the same time. It was nice to meet more of the wonderful staff here at Timpanogos.

12:00 am - Ryan goes to bed after realizing he was so focused on helping me get everything packed and ready that he completely forgot to pack anything for himself. No contact solution, toothbrush, or pajamas. He doesn't seem to care much and collapses face first on the bed. He is snoring within minutes.

1:30 am - I still cannot fall asleep. I get up and go to the bathroom for the twelfth time. I try laying a different way. I really don't want to take the sleeping pill they've offered even thought the magnesium sulfate can keep you awake, make you jittery, and gives you a nasty metal taste in your mouth among other things.

3:15 am - I realize I am not going to fall asleep on my own and ask for the sleeping pill. I ask if I can take half a pill because I am a lightweight. She gets me a baby dose of it and the last time I remember looking at the clock it was 4:10 am.

8:00 am - I wake up to the nurses checking me and I see Ryan awake. I probably would have gone back to sleep, but I knew there was bacon under that maroon lid. Mmm. It was definitely worth it to wake up.

afternoon - Elisa, Ethan, and Trevan come and visit. It was the best part of the day. :) The boys wolfed down the pink frosted cookie I had saved them from my lunch. I'm sure they expect a treat every time now.

12:00 am - I am smarter tonight and realize I will not be able to fall asleep on my own - I am still on the magnesium sulfate. I ask for a sleeping pill again and am able to fall asleep.