Saturday they switched me to oral pain meds. It was too soon in my opinion because that meant decreasing the amount as well. I can't take Motrin because it will upset my stomach. Decreasing didn't sound like a great idea. I'm recovering from major surgery after all.
I woke up in the middle of the night Saturday disoriented, engorged, nauseous, needing to go to the bathroom, and in so much pain. I thought I was at IMC still with Hazel. I also thought Ryan or my Mom was in the room with me. The CNA had peeked her head in and that's what woke me up. I started panicking and she ran and grabbed the nurses. It was so scary! I felt like a little kid that woke up in the middle of the night scared.
After going to the bathroom I insisted on my IV pain meds. They kept telling me it was a 'step back' because I have to be on oral pain meds to go home, but I did not care. At all. Sunday just felt like a day to recover from Saturday night. Ryan felt so bad that I had woken up scared and alone. It wasn't his fault at all. I had told him to go home. I was slightly delusional when I told him to, but he didn't know.
I felt discouraged and depressed the last couple of days. It's been hard being here for so long. And yesterday the doctor told me that it could be another 2-3 days. How am I not going to be discouraged hearing that. I had been strong throughout the hospital stay for Hazel. I was not expecting all of this.
Of course when I was feeling low I got texts, phone calls, and messages from friends and family that helped carry me through. I'm not going to say I was cheered up and happy, but they did help me through the frustration. Now my hard days can be over and I can move forward.
Liquid diet... Yum.
My cute niece picked out these flowers for me. Thanks Sheree and Emmry!
Hazel is looking more relaxed in pictures. She seems more comfy.
Hazel's nurses made another get well scrapbook page for me.
They are so thoughtful.
I know you can't really tell, but her eyes are open in these pictures.
Love,
Ella
Bless your heart. Bless your entire family. Ella, I think you left a comment on my blog at one point but I didn't see yours until today. I want you to know that I am here for you during your journey. As I catch up on your blog its crazy to see several similarities. However, no 2 stories are the same. All I know is there are days I can't believe I am still putting one foot in front of the other. I'm sure you have had many of those days too. I am here if you just want to call me and cry because you're so exhausted. Days you think you can't keep going. We are all here together to help each other. I never knew how strong I could be until this trial. Although, there are days so emotionally draining I feel weak, the Lord strengthens me and I make it through. My email address is leahefish@gmail.com if you want to email I can give you me phone number. Thinking of you and praying for your sweet family. xoxo Your Hazel is beautiful.
ReplyDeleteYou poor thing! It pretty much sucks but you are where you need to be right now. Hazel is being taken care of as are your other kiddos and you just need to rest and recover. Once you're set free, you'll be able to get back to being mom and taking care of others but take care of you right now. xoxo
ReplyDeleteOh Angela I am so very sorry. Healing energy coming your way!.
ReplyDeleteLove you Angela! Hang in there!
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