Tough Times - 30 Weeks 5 Days - 2 Days Old

I've been kind of dreading this post because I don't even know where to start. As you'll see I have had a lot on my mind. Hazel is not doing well and we are spending most of our time and energy on her. Here is what she has going on:

• She has GBS. She has Sepsis because of this. They will be doing a Spinal Tap to see if it is only in her blood or if it has turned into Meningitis.
• She has some swelling in her head. They are doing an ultrasound on her head today to see if it's a brain bleed (and what level of brain bleed) or if it's fluid.
• She has a hole in her right lung. This has caused air to leak out and put pressure on her left lung and heart. They did a chest tube on her right side which has allowed both of her lungs to function. She is currently on the Jet Ventilator which keeps her lungs open and prevents them from collapsing. They are switching her over to another ventilator today. When I remember which one I will update.
• She has a hole in her heart. That is normal for newborns and typically closes in a few days, so they will checking again in about a week to make sure it has closed.
• She is on pain meds constantly because of the pain she's in. I'm glad they are able to make her comfortable, but it makes my heart hurt to think of everything she has already gone through. I still haven't seen her open her eyes because she's been sedated. I'm looking forward to seeing her pretty eyes open.
• She tends to flop over to her left because of her being packed so tight in the womb. They are slowly rotating her which will help her be more balanced.

We know that the NICU life is very up and down from minute to minute, day to day, and week to week. It doesn't make it any easier knowing this, but we are able to better prepare ourselves for bumps along the way. It does give us hope that Hazel will recover quickly and the doctors will tell us that she is the exception and is in the 3% that don't fit into the mold. We already know she is strong and we hope they realize it soon too. :)

I will try to keep this blog as up to date as possible. I love the support and encouragement I get through texts, emails, messages, and phone calls, but please realize that it is hard to respond quickly. Forgive me if I don't reply quickly or if I forget to reply all together. I'm not ignoring any of you. We are just in a busy season of our life right now. I'm still trying to recover physically and I have all of the emotions that come along with being Hazel's Mom.

Thank you for all of your prayers, love, and support. We feel strength because of all of you.

I know she looks kind of scrunched and smooshy and she's not totally cleaned off yet, but I still think she's so beautiful. If you met her you would feel her strength and feel how important she is to her Heavenly Father. When you're by her you also feel overwhelming peace and love. I wish you could all come see her and feel all of these things. She's a miracle.

Love,

Ella