29 Weeks 2 Days, 5 Weeks 3 Days in the Hospital, 4 Weeks 4 Days to Go

I'm almost 30 weeks! My goal for so long has been to make it to the 30s, and I'm almost there! I think I need to have a party to celebrate.

Let's catch up. Shall we?

After the events of February third and fourth I was exhausted but recovering well. Later on that week I had a dream (again) of being with my family. In this dream we were camping and I spotted an owl. I excitedly called for Avella (they are one of her faves) and we watched it fly right over our heads. I can still see it, it seemed so real. I've had other dreams where I'm at home doing normal things. These mornings are the hardest to get out of bed. Waking up after I had that camping dream I felt sad and depressed. I was physically worn out and mentally and emotionally I wasn't sure I could do it anymore. I decided to acknowledge what I was feeling that day and let myself cry like a baby, but I decided I would need to work through it and be focused on the task at hand the next day. (Ryan will laugh at this. It is one of our family sayings - "Focus on the task at hand".)

I can't tell you how many times the nurse walked in on me crying. I think she was worried even when I assured her I was ok. So there I am crying and my friend Jen texts me to ask how I'm doing. Of course I answered honestly, and she texted that she was on her way over. It was such a great visit. I'm grateful that Heavenly Father answered my prayers that day and sent me Jen. She was the right person for that moment to help comfort me.

Fast forward to February 18th. About 10 am I started to bleed a little and I passed a few small clots. Of course they sent me straight down to Labor and Delivery. The problem was that I had just done my three hour glucose test that morning, so I hadn't eaten since the night before. If they think they're going to have to do a cesarean soon they won't let you eat. Thank goodness I figured that would happen so I scarfed down some Raisin Bran before they came to tell me. But before I was taken downstairs my nurse told me to hurry and eat my Cream of Wheat. She even closed the curtain around my door so that if the doctors came back in I would have time to hide the evidence. That little bit of food saved me! I wasn't able to eat again until around 3 pm.

After all of that when I finally made it back upstairs they told me I had gestational diabetes. Whenever I ask what else can happen with this pregnancy Ryan tells me to knock it off. I guess I should've listened to him. After about a day and a half the doctors told me they were surprised I was able to control my blood sugar levels with my diet because of how high my levels had been on the test. Ha! I love surprising the doctors. My diabetes is one of the few things I can control in my situation and I'm going to do the best I can.

Well, that brings us to today. I've been in a lot of pain the last few days. Hazel is growing bigger and oh my I can feel it! If you've been pregnant then you know how painful it can be when they try and stick their foot in your ribs. Take away all of the amniotic fluid and it's sooooo painful! Top that with her head being wedged in an uncomfortable spot, which exacerbates the symptoms of bed rest (mainly constipation) . I don't know how much longer my body will hold out. I've barely been able to walk to the bathroom. I've been feeling a little better today, so I'm hopeful I will feel better tomorrow.

Thanks for the prayers and positive energy. The end is in sight! We can do this!

Love,
Ella

26 Weeks 3 Days, 2 Weeks 4 Days in the Hospital, 7 Weeks 3 Days to Go

This is how I feel - exhausted.

Last night the contractions did eventually slow way down. They stopped this morning and since then I've had "uterine irritability", basically small cramping. The bleeding has slowed down too. Hazel's heart rate went back to normal I think within and hour or two of being monitored. They put me on oxygen to see if it would lower her heart rate and it worked. They took me off of the Magnesium Sulphate at 1:30 am (half an hour early) because I was having horrible chest pains. It felt like someone was standing on my chest. I could still breathe, but I couldn't sleep because of the pain. I think not having any food in my system escalated the symptoms. I was on Mag with Avella, but the side effects were not nearly as bad. I kept breathing weird, having to make noises to calm myself down, and having to move my head back and forth. Weird, I know. I think I freaked Ryan out.  

They let me eat at 2 am and I felt SO much better. I was trying not to be cranky at that point. We Bonds get very cranky when we don't eat. I was able to sleep off and on after that. I had such a hard time sleeping because I had the compressor cuffs on my legs (to prevent blood clots), a catheter, the two monitors (one for Hazel's heart and one for contractions), the IV, and the chest pain. The Mag made me hyper aware of everything touching me and every sound in the room. 

The good news is this morning we were told as long as everything was still calm after lunch they would move me back upstairs to my room. It's funny how excited I felt to go back upstairs to my hospital room where I get to stay for another 7 weeks. I know it sounds extremely exciting. 

Well, we're back upstairs and couldn't be happier. The only bummer is I can only get out of bed to use the restroom. That means no showers and no walking around. I went from being able to walk around my room for 10 minutes a day to only bathroom breaks. Yea...

In comparing these recent events to that first dramatic Tuesday that we had here, we noticed some things. The Tuesday I went down to L&D and the Neonatologist talked to me I started crying as soon as she left the room. I was worried and upset. I cried, called Ryan, said a prayer, and cried some more. I soon felt peace and knew that Hazel wasn't supposed to come that day. When Ryan came I told him how I felt and he told me he had felt the exact same thing. We were grateful for the peace, but we still felt stressed when the Neonatologist came back to talk to us. We realized the stress was because we knew it was not supposed to happen and we were worried we were being pushed in that direction. We felt such a relief when I was sent back to my room. 

Yesterday we felt that peace from the beginning. I think that's why we were so calm yesterday throughout everything. I didn't know if she was supposed to come yesterday, but I felt peace that whatever happened was supposed to happen. We had to take it one step at a time and hope for the best. I honestly had no idea how all of it would turn out. I'm grateful that I haven't had her yet. I'm still rooting for her to be born in March! That way we will have made it to at least 30 weeks. I do, however, realize that I am not in control at all of how this will all play out. I'm OK not being in charge. I trust that Heavenly Father has a plan. I wish I knew his plan, but I will have to rely on my faith in Him and have hope. And I'm OK with that.

As I was laying in bed in pain and not able to sleep last night I was wondering which direction the morning would take us. Would Hazel be born? Would everything calm down? Feeling all of the pain and discomfort I was feeling in those worst moments (and thinking back on all of the pain of the entire pregnancy), I knew that I would go through all of it for another 7 weeks and 3 days just so Hazel wouldn't have to experience as much pain. I would go through anything so that she has the best chance at being healthy and growing up strong. 

I just love her so much.

Love,

Ella

26 Weeks 2 Days

I really didn't want to update. I'm kind of done with the drama. But here it is... I started having contractions this morning after I passed a blood clot. Hazel's heart rate was 180, which is too high. My contractions were 2 minutes apart and I was dilated to 1.5. I was also bleeding. I'm on the magnesium sulfate right now. The contractions and bleeding have slowed. Her heart rate has been great. The mag will be done at 2am and they will check me again to see if I've dilated and see if I'm still contracting and/or bleeding. They (and we) are really hoping we don't have to have her tonight. Time will tell.

Thanks for the prayers friends.

Side note - They won't let me eat. I can finally drink after 9 hours. I haven't eaten since 7:30 this morning. Boo. I'm exhausted. That's all.

Love,
Ella