26 Weeks 3 Days, 2 Weeks 4 Days in the Hospital, 7 Weeks 3 Days to Go

This is how I feel - exhausted.

Last night the contractions did eventually slow way down. They stopped this morning and since then I've had "uterine irritability", basically small cramping. The bleeding has slowed down too. Hazel's heart rate went back to normal I think within and hour or two of being monitored. They put me on oxygen to see if it would lower her heart rate and it worked. They took me off of the Magnesium Sulphate at 1:30 am (half an hour early) because I was having horrible chest pains. It felt like someone was standing on my chest. I could still breathe, but I couldn't sleep because of the pain. I think not having any food in my system escalated the symptoms. I was on Mag with Avella, but the side effects were not nearly as bad. I kept breathing weird, having to make noises to calm myself down, and having to move my head back and forth. Weird, I know. I think I freaked Ryan out.  

They let me eat at 2 am and I felt SO much better. I was trying not to be cranky at that point. We Bonds get very cranky when we don't eat. I was able to sleep off and on after that. I had such a hard time sleeping because I had the compressor cuffs on my legs (to prevent blood clots), a catheter, the two monitors (one for Hazel's heart and one for contractions), the IV, and the chest pain. The Mag made me hyper aware of everything touching me and every sound in the room. 

The good news is this morning we were told as long as everything was still calm after lunch they would move me back upstairs to my room. It's funny how excited I felt to go back upstairs to my hospital room where I get to stay for another 7 weeks. I know it sounds extremely exciting. 

Well, we're back upstairs and couldn't be happier. The only bummer is I can only get out of bed to use the restroom. That means no showers and no walking around. I went from being able to walk around my room for 10 minutes a day to only bathroom breaks. Yea...

In comparing these recent events to that first dramatic Tuesday that we had here, we noticed some things. The Tuesday I went down to L&D and the Neonatologist talked to me I started crying as soon as she left the room. I was worried and upset. I cried, called Ryan, said a prayer, and cried some more. I soon felt peace and knew that Hazel wasn't supposed to come that day. When Ryan came I told him how I felt and he told me he had felt the exact same thing. We were grateful for the peace, but we still felt stressed when the Neonatologist came back to talk to us. We realized the stress was because we knew it was not supposed to happen and we were worried we were being pushed in that direction. We felt such a relief when I was sent back to my room. 

Yesterday we felt that peace from the beginning. I think that's why we were so calm yesterday throughout everything. I didn't know if she was supposed to come yesterday, but I felt peace that whatever happened was supposed to happen. We had to take it one step at a time and hope for the best. I honestly had no idea how all of it would turn out. I'm grateful that I haven't had her yet. I'm still rooting for her to be born in March! That way we will have made it to at least 30 weeks. I do, however, realize that I am not in control at all of how this will all play out. I'm OK not being in charge. I trust that Heavenly Father has a plan. I wish I knew his plan, but I will have to rely on my faith in Him and have hope. And I'm OK with that.

As I was laying in bed in pain and not able to sleep last night I was wondering which direction the morning would take us. Would Hazel be born? Would everything calm down? Feeling all of the pain and discomfort I was feeling in those worst moments (and thinking back on all of the pain of the entire pregnancy), I knew that I would go through all of it for another 7 weeks and 3 days just so Hazel wouldn't have to experience as much pain. I would go through anything so that she has the best chance at being healthy and growing up strong. 

I just love her so much.

Love,

Ella